I wrote this back in August but never published it because it never seemed finished/good enough. It still isn't finished, but I'm learning to embrace the unfinished and find peace wherever I am.
This week I got to spend some time in the mountains. The views are pretty remarkable, but what makes the wilderness so special to me is the sheer silence. I'm the only kid who still lives at home, so our house is pretty quiet these days, but nothing beats standing in the middle of amazing views accompanied by nothing but your own heartbeat. I drive home from the adventures not quite satisfied. I went for a walk early this morning in search of more silence. I think I could say I need some peace. Don't we all?
This world is so busy. We rush around from place to place without sitting and staying for awhile. Cell phones and televisions give us instant entertainment. If real people aren't exciting enough, look on Facebook. If you get bored, change the channel. There is no waiting game anymore. It makes me anxious. It makes me feel at war. I turn to the things that make me feel unsteady and worn when I know exactly Who to turn to in order to find relief. I understand now what Paul meant when he said he does the things he hates. It's all part of the sanctification process, this journey of walking (or stumbling) through life and trying to follow Jesus. I get to the end of each day and think, "God, can the process be over now? I'm ready to come home. I'm ready for some relief."
Questions about peace and technology have been rattling around in my brain for awhile now. I know they are connected and I'm still working through how God is reconciling the two. I read the quote above this past week and it stopped me in my tracks a little. Be here now. What does that even look like? How can I possibly be present in my life when I'm being pulled in one thousand different directions? Is it even worth it?
So...I made a list. A declaration of sorts. I decided to make this quote my motto. And this is what it means for me to be here now.
Being here now means I trust God's faithful provision. I don't have to worry about tomorrow or five years from now because I have already been given everything I need. Being here now means my heart can be at rest, regardless of the busyness of my schedule. It means I can say no to really good things so I can make time for the things God is calling me to. (That is a hard one for me.) It means I can work hard in school without finding my identity in my grades...because Jesus doesn't care about my GPA. Being here now means I will weep with the weeping and rejoice with the rejoicing. I will sit on your couch with you and cry and giggle. I will commit to praying for you (and actually pray!). I will be in your corner. I will put down my cell phone when I'm with you and will respond in grace when I don't get an instant response if I text you. Being here now means I will take the bull by the horns. I won't run from pain, nor will I try to numb it. Rather, I will run with my pain to JESUS. I will allow Him to fill my open hands. I will love with full abandon because I know I am fully loved in Christ.